How To Be The Perfect Boyfriend

There are all kinds of things you can do to bring romance back into your marriage. Many of them are really simple, but they can pack a wallop when you put them into practice. Consider some of these suggestions:

The idea is that whatever you do; make it special – and JUST DO IT! Don’t be afraid to let your imagination go wild, or to appear silly. Your partner will enjoy the love and thought you’ve put into it, and over time you may find your relationship feeling vibrant once more.

Traditionally, when couples fight, have misunderstandings, discover a lack of things in common, or confront the challenge of incompatibility, their first instinct is to flee while rationalizing to themselves “this will never work, we’re just too different.” It really doesn’t have to be this way.

Arguments will occur in your relationship. It’s a fact. Those arguments can wear away at your good feelings toward your partner and wreak havoc with the way you get along. Learn how to fight fair, and you won’t have to worry about your fights eroding away at your romantic feelings.

With commitment, courage, and the willingness to exchange stale, unconscious behavior patterns for fresh, healthy choices, you can learn how to transform the differences into catalysts for growth, instead of fodder for heartache. Here are nine suggestions to make the differences between partners make lovers out of adversaries.

Our first reaction to conflict is to run away from it rather than face it. It’s natural, but running away doesn’t help resolve the conflict, it only escalates it. Your goal is to co-create and discover a new way of being together, a resolution that satisfies both of you. Therefore, each of you needs to speak your half of the problem and listen respectfully and with genuine curiosity to your partner’s point of view.

First of all, you need to define the issue. Truthfully express what is disturbing you in as much detail as possible. Don’t leave your partner in the dark when it comes to what is troubling you. Use your words and express yourself fully. This is the essential first step toward conflict resolution.

Realize that it’s alright to feel your feelings. Experience and communicate your feelings as honestly and openly as you can in the moment you are feeling them.

Remember that you care. Keep in mind that ongoing relationships are a mosaic made up of many facets, and there is more to your partner and your relationship than any one issue. You need to work through that issue and not let it define who either of you are as a person.

Beware of self-sabotage. Stay aware of what’s going on inside you during a rough spot in the relationship, don’t allow old negative behavior patterns to swamp the present moment. This could be the worst thing you can do when in conflict with the one you love
It’s easy to assign blame all on yourself when there is a problem. Just remember that it doesn’t matter who has the initial problem, what matters is that you resolve it in a way that is best for both of you!

Change your mindset. Open yourself to the fact that any issue can be understood and interpreted in a variety of ways, otherwise you’ll continue to stay in a rut and progressively dig the hole deeper with every conflict.

Take personal responsibility, but not too much! Ask yourself in what way or ways do you contribute to the situation that upsets you or your partner. Rarely if ever in an ongoing relationship does a difficulty arise that has not been contributed to by both partners.

Remember that your partner is not you. Learn to internalize and understand that your partner is not you. Your resolutions will be respectful of your differences only when you both find ways to empathize with the other’s point of view.

Be consciously creative. Hold the other in your consciousness as you want to be held. Appreciate and value the other’s experience in the ways that it is different from yours. This is especially helpful as it will keep you from transferring blame onto your partner when it’s just a problem that needs to be solved.

Seek both resolutions and solutions. As you seek a resolution, remember that you are two different people, and the resolution needs to reveal not an either/or but a both/ and quality. Resolutions aren’t about winning; they’re about a process of respect and intimacy, growth and emergence.

Guard against the very dangerous belief that if you’re having difficulty with your partner, that means your relationship is in trouble. More than likely it means your relationship needs a tune-up and an oil change. Only in romantic fantasy does everything go smoothly without attention, care and change.

So we’ve given you some great tools to try and bring romance back into your marriage. Do you want something a little more specific?

Most women think men are immature. For the most part, they are right. Us grown men still like to play sports, video games and other child like things. This is because of how we think. We aren’t always as serious as women pretend to be. Men enjoy competition. We go through this our whole life. It starts when we are little kids and we throw baseballs with our dad. We grow up playing sports, then we grow old and we get into the job market and we have to find a mate. All of those requires you to compete. So, all of our lives, we end up doing this. Women don’t understand this.
This is also why they tend not to succeed in business like men do. They lack that drive to succeed, to compete. It is like a game. How many women CEOs do you see compared to men? There is a big difference in numbers.

On the other hand, there are some really immature men. Every time I watch Animal Planet, the men on the programs make me think of adolescent boys. They all act like if they seen a pair of tits they would have a heart attack. Maybe it has something to do with animals, hell I don’t know. I can’t stand to watch more than ten minutes because of this.

When a man acts immature, it doesn’t mean they are lazy or a retard. Sometimes people can have emotional problems. Sometimes being abused as a child can have an effect on people. There is so much bad shit that happens in life, I am surprised if anyone can walk away sane from it.

If you have problems that stemmed from the past, I wouldn’t beat yourself over the head about it. Instead, I would go to a therapist and talk to them about it. They will help you deal and cope with everything that has happened. If you don’t have the money, try either getting government assistance or try to find a place that makes you pay on what they call a ‘sliding scale’. This means, they will base how much you have to pay on how much money you make. Chances are it will be much cheaper and you will be able to afford it. If you have no money at all, you can go and talk to a minister for free. Most of the time they will be happy to talk to you and give you good advice.

Even though we might feel immature or down, there is no reason to go around pouting 24/7. We don’t like when our women do this, so we should keep in mind they don’t like it when we do it. If you are doing this, you need some help. You are trying to get pity to cover up your problems. Drug addicts use drugs to cover up problems, you use pity.

You shouldn’t let mood swings get the best of you. This can happen if you have a mental illness. You get tired when your old lady has mood swings before her period and bitches you out all day long. Chances are, she hates yours as well.

There is no need to go on with life feeling this way. If you are just an immature guy because it is your nature, don’t worry about it. On the other hand, if you have problems, I suggest you get help.

If you find yourself getting depressed often or thinking of killing yourself, its time to get help. There is no need to run from it. The doctor won’t kill you when you go in. There is no surgeries, needles, or any of that stuff. They can’t even force you to take meds or come back for a second visit. Simply put, they can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do.

If you are having panic attacks they can effect your sex life. If you have panic attacks while having sex, it can be very difficult to maintain an erection. Hell, it is almost impossible to maintain a reasonable life when you have panic attacks.

If you find yourself unable to leave your house or without the desire to leave, you need to seek some help. There is no reason why you should put yourself through the horror of this living hell. Get on your feet and make the first step. It is important for you to understand that only you can help you.

If you feel like some of the things I described because you are being abused by your woman, you need to leave right away. Most people don’t believe that a woman can abuse a man, but it happens every day. You don’t deserve to be abused, you have done nothing wrong. You need to put your foot down and get the hell out. Let her ruin someone else’s life.

Money should never be a problem when it comes to getting the support you need. If it is, try to find local support groups in your area. Talking to someone is better than no one. You can go to places online and find support groups and even ones you can talk to people online. You can talk to people and they will never know who you are. Most if not all of the online support groups are free. This means you won’t have to pay any money to use them. You can go to places like yahoogroups.com and find support groups. It is a good place to start looking.

Friend, if you need it go get some help. There is no reason not to. You deserve to live a good healthy life. Don’t kid yourself, you do deserve it.

By Peter James

How To Be Romantic